Over the past month or so I have been trying to cut someone that has been very close to me for the past two years out of my life. For the first 6 months of knowing him it was awesome, the second 6 months he was a very good friend someone I knew I could depend on and knew would be there for me. After living with him for 6 months I passed the grace period and moved into a period that I was more annoyed, but it wasn’t an annoyed that lasted it was the annoyed that you get with a kid, just frustrated.
I would talk to other people about this frustration and would always get over it and end up having a really good time with him. Then after another year of living with him it was annoying and I wouldn’t suggest living more than a year with anyone who isn’t in your immediate family, but it was doable.
Then numerous things happened all at once putting a huge strain on everything.
First we stopped dumpster diving because we had too much food from student housing. But we never started back up. Dumpster diving was a fun group event, we would run down and meet at the LZ (Landing Zone) and then bike off to various places. We weren’t able to start this up again because we had busier schedules and that tore us apart a bit.
Second we invited two members to join the Casbah, so that we could house some illegals and just have more people in our house. These two people hadn’t known us or known what they were entering. They thought they were getting free housing we thought we were getting more go with the flow people that we had gotten before that would conform to what we had established. This lead there to be a rift diving the house again.
Third, I didn’t have any friends from last year that were still at college and ended up focusing all my energy on the Casbah. This increase in focus on the Casbah made me realize the faults more and try to force these people together.
Fourth, This person got a girlfriend and devoted lots of time to her, which led to him not being at the Casbah. This took away one of the main members of the Casbah and didn’t allow us to hang out with him so we could see the awesome parts of him, we only ended up seeing the remnants of annoyance he left behind. Leaving us annoyed and I would also say jealous, though I know others would dispute that I know there was at least some of that.
Fifth is that we all have strong personalities and very different ones. We all bond under certain things but we all agree to disagree about others. And we all are probably more fucked up than the rest of society having at least one mental disorder per person.
These personalities don’t mesh perfectly but they did for the most part for us.
These all combined with college students who have varying amounts of work, free time, and stress. Our lives change ferociously and the people we are acquainted with changes from year to year, with the knowledge that these people will not be around a long time. With family you have to get along because there is no other choice, with college students you don’t have to get along you just have to wait it out, at most it’ll be around a year. That is not the right attitude!
Our personalities clashed, free time and stress levels fluctuated, and who we hung out with and what we did changed. Our disorders clashed but we had a history of great friendship and great fun. No matter how you look back on the past you can’t deny that it was great fun.
But then we thought that we could simply drop someone out of our life, he’s busy enough he won’t notice. None of us had the courage or the ability to construe what he did wrong. He noticed quickly but didn’t know how to act and it’s been a month since we started and he just told me what I was doing. I hadn’t really thought about it or realized that I’m trying to kill him off, I’m trying to forget him, I’m trying to move on.
This is a cry for people to realize what you are doing and think about it before it’s to late. Why are you killing this person. I know at lot of pain has been caused by all parties, but do you really want to kill this person. This person was my best friend and I can’t kill him I can’t do it, and I want to ask you if you think you really can?
I’m very sorry for writing this here and for writing it at all I think its necessary and I assure you it will never be done again. WordPress won’t let you delete accounts so instead to ensure that this never happens again I am changing my password to something that I will never know. Again I am sorry but I cannot let this happen without one last cry of reconsideration.