Am I asleep or am I awake. I’m certainly not awake as I stare at the wall, not aware of anything around me or anything going on around me. But then again I’m standing so I’m not asleep, unless maybe I can sleep while standing. My mind is currently completely blank, there is nothing happening inside it.
Then I awake from my sleepwake. Shocked as though I was just jolted from a slumber, I’m only partially aware of where I am and what is going on.
Last night I drove to State College. I got there at 8pm after 4.5 hours of driving. I came to SC to see Anna’s performance, I promised I would and that I follow through on. I saw all the old folks still going to school at Penn State, and had myself a good time.
There was a after party. I drank some beer, not much, and ate some pizza. Then around 1:45 am I went to sleep. Anna let me sleep in her bed and said she’d sleep on the couch. She didn’t feel like stopping partying, I needed to. That’s because I had to go to work at 9:30 am. Not just normal work but Super Sale work, where I work for 8 hours of craziness a bike shop experiences when everything is at least 10% off.
I can’t go to sleep. There is music playing downstairs, it’s loud and not relaxing, I can feel my heart pounding. I get my ipod and listen to the album Play by Moby. In a confused state I go to sleep, waking to hear the music again and then falling asleep again. I fall in and out of sleep, sometimes to Anna getting things from her room, sometimes for no reason at all.
Then I awake, go to the bathroom and come back to my alarm ringing, it’s 6am, time to drive. First song is 911 by Delta Spirits, my current favorite band. The first lyrics are very appropriate:
Say good morning to my friends
Oh my lord it’s 6 am!
My drive is the same as I described above but worse
I tap my feet to the beat just to stay awake. I bob up and down side to side, but nothing works. Despite all my efforts I frequently am shocked to awake to me driving down the highway. Eventually I scream in frustration and yell at the top of my lungs, this helps.
Eventually I make it to work, I’m only 20 minutes late, it’s already busy.
Today I’m sentenced to work in the dungeon. I’m surrounded by boxes some with bike parts, some with whole bikes. The lighting is very poor, It’s quiet and lonely. I frequently leave my dungeon for any excuse I can think of. I join the other mechanics, the reason I can’t be with them is because there is only 3 work stations, and a special one was set up for me, the over achiever to get bikes built. I succeed in building 2 bikes the whole day.
I do other stuff, not much. Sometimes doing check ups sometimes staring at the wall. I would be raging more if I were awake, I’m not. Someone says my name, I turn around and have no idea who said it. I ask if someone needs help and resume staring into space. My eyes are wide open, as open as they can be, but I’m not looking at anything, I’m not taking in what’s around me, I’m asleep.
I have found out how to sleep standing up with your eyes open. It doesn’t work very well. It’s just constant delirium.