My whole life I’ve been looking for a community, for a family. I was essentially raised by grandparents (due to the age and way my parents interacted with me), I never felt that great about my relationship with my parents. While at the same time in the world I’ve never felt like I belonged like I fit in with people, I’ve always been an outcast.
I spent most of college trying to figure all this out. I switched from psychology, to sociology to anthropology trying to make sense of the world. To make sense of my life.
I learned a lot, but I learned the most from the Casbah. I learned about community, about family. And I got to be in a family of a bunch of awesome people. We fought, argued and irritated eachother. But it didn’t matter beyond that instance. We will always be a family. We’ve grown so much together, experienced so much together.
But now we are dispersed across the globe. And I can’t take it any more. My ups and downs are extreme, and mostly down. I haven’t found people like the family I made at the Casbah, and I want you, I need you right now.
Without you my world is chaos, it is burning, it is nonsense, it is bullshit.
I’m alone in Philadelphia. With so few of my kind. I keep myself company, talking and singing to myself. But sometimes I can’t take it anymore. I feel like there is nothing to look forward to, nothing ahead of me but layer and layers of bullshit. And all I want to do stop trudging though it, to give up and let the bullshit smother me.
But then I remember that I may not have a family in Philadelphia, I do have one elsewhere.
I’m not going to put it with it anymore. I’m not going to trudge through the bullshit alone. Instead I want y’all to join me. Maybe for a couple days, maybe a couple of years. But I need the Casbah back. I’m going to work on finding somewhere to restart it, I’ll lay down the roots, but I need y’all to join me when the time is ready, I can’t do it without you.
I need the madness of the Casbah to happen again, I need to have my family living together again.