Two weeks ago I wrote a blog post about rebirth and how I felt like I was being reborn again. Now those feelings finally feel like they are coming true. I am reborn, but I’m also who I was and who I have been. I’m just realizing what has been suppressing the me that everyone loves so much.
I am Yeti, I have been Yeti and will always be Yeti. Smiles made me frown, I thought less of myself because she thought less of me. Our relationship was the both of us beating each other trying to make the other into what we want – taking out our insecurities on one another. The end of the relationship was certainly awful but the kind of awful that was the worst of times and the best of times.
The ending tore me apart and helped me build myself back up. This is what helped me break free of all that shit and now I am again having the best of times, quite possibly the best of times ever. I am me and I’m striving to be the cool me I’ve always strived to be. Life is no longer about Smiles or buying a house, or having kids. It’s about now, it’s about me. I’m still planning for the future but I’m trying to live and enjoy everyday as it comes. A friend of mine posted this quote on his facebook that has really struck a chord in me.
How you spend your day is, of course, how you spend your life. -Annie Dillard
It’s true, how you spend your days is how you spend your life. I mean what is your life but a collection of your days. My days before were awful, as was my life. My days now are awesome, as is my life. I’m going to spend every day now how I’d like to spend my life – enjoying it. Enjoying every moment of it I can. The pain, the joy, the love, the hatred. What else can you do but enjoy it?
This breaking free has also let me reconnect with all the cool people I know. It’s been so rewarding reconnecting with them and realizing how much I’ve missed them and how much they’ve missed me. When in despair it’s hard to realize how much love you have from people. It’s only in seeing them or talking to them again that you realize how truly important and loved you are.
I’m loved by so many of my friends, and I love them deeply in return. I’m also loved deeply by my parents and have finally accepted that and accepted them. I talked to Juju today and she told me that she never wanted to see me change she always wanted me to be me. I know many of you feel the same way, don’t worry that’s the only me I can and would ever want to be.
Connect with y’all soon. Thanks for all your loving, I’ve felt it whether I talked to you recently or not.