Small slow steps when I’m ready and feel comfortable. That’s how I’ve been expressing myself and the woman I am. But the small step of wearing a bra, has opened my options and altered my reality. I’m happy to think of myself and my acts as womanly and happy to put the word of my last blog entry into action. Confidence in who you are can lead to a world of change.
After wearing dresses around the house, and bras around the house I decided to stop hiding and take my clothing choices outside. My first day was going to the GLCC in a bra and a dress. The responses I got riding all the way downtown: minimal if any, I was almost disappointed. I’m used to people telling me I’m a dude or receiving weird stares. Instead I didn’t get any and didn’t look to see if anyone was, because I didn’t care.
I was comfortable with who I am and didn’t need any validation. I was quite anxious but it ended up being for nothing. So I continued, wearing a bra the following three days. One of those days I had stubble from the previous day and had to talk to numerous people when running errands. Again, no one cared.
Reflections, that’s all people are. They reflect your insecurities and you reflect theirs. We are all too in our own head to see what is actually occurring around us, our world is the only world we see and everything revolves around our head. As soon as you are comfortable with yourself so is everyone else. It’s hard to believe but it’s true. Only a few people will have the courage to say anything to a confident person. When you see someone acting as though it’s normal it must be, right?
Months ago I saw people spray painting these lovely ladies on the road.
Wearing orange construction vests, they frantically spray painted their cardboard stencil before moving it and the cones out of the way so that cars could pass. It was 11 am on a weekend and they painted at least a hundred of these all over Pittsburgh and no one stopped them because they acted as though they were supposed to be there. Cars simply waited for them to finish and went on with their business. I knew they weren’t supposed to be there and I knew that people did this thing, yet even I was convinced by their confidence.
If people can spend hours spray painting bike lanes on the road and not get in trouble then anyone can wear a dress, bra, beard or whatever you want with the same amount of confidence with little harassment. So far I’ve gotten none. And the worst I’ve gotten is a WTF face that went away as soon as they realized I was serious. If you believe it, it’s true. And very few people will have the confidence to say otherwise.
With transwomen being beaten and injured occasionally in the news I originally felt fear and anxiety on every street. But I have since realized the scarcity of these occurences. I’m wary of this happening, but I’m more concerned with being happy and confident with who I am. I’m happy to say that this increases each day. I feel like a women when I put on tights, bras and dresses, but I also feel like a woman when riding my bike, taking out the trash and doing so many other acts. The mask is starting to come off and she’s starting to come out. Second life here I come, excited to live it as the woman I’ve always been.