After throwing all my stuff on the floor, putting it away, and downsizing my possessions I felt somewhat at odds with the flowy, pretty clothing I kept. Suddenly I wasn’t sure anymore. I like the clothing but just didn’t want to wear it. I settled on a tank top and shorts for a couple days, and have yet been able to go back. I went from colorful dresses every other day to browns, greys and blacks everyday.
I had been told I was pretty dozens of times, and those people were right. This was what I was trying to achieve, to be gendered female and to look pretty. Suddenly that was over. I was a lady I felt it in me and the clothing I was wearing was a total lie. I haven’t worn it since and I feel great about my new wardrobe of camis, tank tops, short shorts, Browns, greys and blacks. It’s actually to the point that I can’t wear any other colors most days because I just feel wrong doing it. It’s just not me. I finally understand now why so many of my lady friends wear blacks, I can’t explain it but I do understand it.
Recently I started taking even that up a notch. I was at Occupy Harrisburg fighting for a fair budget and felt my time and energy being drained by someone who just kept following me around. Red Beard commented that I was “generous” to entertain her as I did but in reality I couldn’t say no and was getting worn out from being around her so much. I told him this and he told me I should think about wearing all black.
I looked at him and saw that he was wearing all black. He continued by saying that wearing all black sets a certain tone. He said that he had similar problems with people sucking up too much of his energy and then he started wearing all black and it helped give of a less compassionate vibe. Myself and Red Beard are both compassionate people, too compassionate, this was the edge we needed to not have all of our energy drained.
I thought about this and decided to go for it. I bought myself some black shorts and have 5 black tank tops/camis. I feel too dark at times but I feel like I am better able to push people away if they are sucking up too much energy. Call me a minimalist (because I have been for years); I wear the same thing every day. You’ll look at me and see legs for days, you’ll see black, grey and brown. And hopefully you’ll keep walking. It feels nice not being pretty, it feels nice being me and looking as sexy as I do in my mind (just so long as I can avoid the energy suckers).
Also a much needed throwback. This isn’t new somewhere I’ve been before as you can see me wearing all black and a shirt that says, “Can’t get enough minimalism” in dark grey on black.